11/8/00 xperiment see real download time from piefortune

                                                          "PRICE, the LOW-LIFE PROFESSOR"


                                                                                                                                   FADE IN:

                                                                                                                                                                       INT. BAR - NIGHT

                                                                                                                                            (THE BAR IS LOCATED ABOUT 2 MILES FROM
                                                                                                                                              A MAJOR UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. ONE TABLE ON
                                                                                                                                              THE LEFT STAGE, TWO TABLES RIGHT STAGE.
                                                                                                                                              ON THE TABLES, CANDLES MELTED OVER THE
                                                                                                                                              MOUTHS OF EMPTY WINE BOTTLES. CHAIRS.
                                                                                                                                              BAR WITH STOOLS. THE BACKGROUND GIVES
                                                                                                                                              AN  IMPRESSION  OF  ANOTHER ROOM FROM
                                                                                                                                              WHICH PEOPLE ENTER OR EXIT INTO. THE MOOD
                                                                                                                                              OF THE PLACE IS NITTY GRITTY, COOL, AND
                                                                                                                                              ANYTHING GOES.
                                                                                                                                              COUPLE DANCING IN BACKGROUND.
                                                                                                                                              MAN SITS AT THE LEFT STAGE TABLE, DRINKING.
                                                                                                                                              FOUR PEOPLE ON THE STOOL AT THE BAR,
                                                                                                                                              INCLUDING A BLACK COUPLE AND THE BARTENDER
                                                                                                                                              BEHIND.
                                                                                                                                              MUSIC WILL SHIFT FROM HAMMER'S "TOO LEGIT
                                                                                                                                              TO QUIT" TO "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A
                                                                                                                                               ROLLING STONE?" TO FINALLY THE ". . . DON'T
                                                                                                                                               KNOW MUCH ABOUT BIOLOGY, DON'T KNOW MUCH
                                                                                                                                              ABOUT HISTORY..." SONG, OR APPROPRIATE
                                                                                                                                               SUBSTITUTIONS. AS THE SKETCH DEVELOPES,
                                                                                                                                              PEOPLE WILL PACK THE BAR LIKE SARDINES IN
                                                                                                                                              A LISTERINE BOTTLE. THE DOOR OPENS.
                                                                                                                                              PRICE ENTERS. HE HAS SUBDUEDLY WAVED DIRTY                                                                                                                                               BLOND HAIR. DRESS IS PROFESSORIAL SUIT AND TIE.
                                                                                                                                              HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE ORANGE JELLO, A BIT
                                                                                                                                              WOBBLY SMOOTH. HE CARRIES A LOOSE FOLDER
                                                                                                                                              FILLED WITH PAPERS AND A BOOK. PROFESSOR
                                                                                                                                              OF AESTHETICS AT THE UNIVERSITY, HE HAS A
                                                                                                                                              NIMBLE SENSE OF HUMOR. THE LITTLE BOY
                                                                                                                                              INSIDE OF HIM REMAINS, LOOKING OUT AT THE
                                                                                                                                              CRAZINESS THROUGH ROSE-COLORED ZOOM LENS.)


                                                                                             MAN AT LEFT STAGE TABLE
                                                                                                          (GREETS PRICE.)

                                                                                   Hey, man!
                                                                                                                                                            (SHOTS OF PEOPLE TURNING TO LOOK AT
                                                                                                                                                             PRICE. PRICE GOES TO THE BAR.)

                                                                                                              PRICE
                                                                                      (PLACING MONEY ON THE BAR.)

                                                                               Good evening, Max. Split of red, please.


                                                                                                           BARTENDER

                                                                                           Hey, Price. How's it goin' ?


                                                                                                                       PRICE
                                                                                                                      (JOKING.)

                                                                                        Heavy, Holms. Uhh, gettin' down, man.


                                                                                                                     BARTENDER
                                                                                                                (LAUGHS SOFTLY.)

                                                                                              Ookkay. Here's your red. Enjoy, Prof.

                                                                                                                                                             (PRICE WITH THE SPLIT, SMALL GLASS,
                                                                                                                                                              FOLDER AND BOOK TUCKED UNDER ONE                                                                                                                                                               ARM MOVES TO THE EMPTY TABLE RIGHT
                                                                                                                                                               STAGE NEAREST THE BAR. HIS MOVEMENTS
                                                                                                                                                               ARE CONTROLLED, SMOOTH, BUT NOT YET
                                                                                                                                                               EFFETE.)

                                                                                                               MAN AT THE BAR

                                                                                                                      Who's that?

                                                                                                                 BARTENDER

                                                                   He's a full professor of philosophy at the university..
                                                                  Yeah, no lie. He's here almost every night. You figure it.


                                                                                                           MAN AT THE BAR

                                                                                                              Professor, huh?


                                                                                                           BARTENDER

                                                                                                                 Yeah.

                                                                                                                                                      ( SHOTS OF THE VARIOUS CHARACTERS
                                                                                                                                                         IN THE PLACE. SLEAZY-LOOKING OR MEAN
                                                                                                                                                        OR INSANE.
                                                                                                                                                        THE TITLE "PRICE, the LOW-LIFE PROFESSOR"
                                                                                                                                                         OVERLAYS THE SHOTS AS WE FOLLOW PRICE
                                                                                                                                                         FOLDER, AND WINE BOTTLE, SITS, POURS A
                                                                                                                                                         GLASS OF THE RED WINE. HE OPENS THE
                                                                                                                                                         FOLDER AND STARTS TO CORRECT
                                                                                                                                                        STUDENTS' PAPERS. )


                                                                                                             PRICE
                                                                                    (READING FROM THE PAPER.)

                                                                      Damn, he wrote the essay in Sanskrit again!

                                                                             (WRITING COMMENT ON THE PAPER.)

                                                                                        "I am not impressed."

                                                                                                  (TO HIMSELF.)

                                                                                            Of course not.

                                                                             "Your grade is an isotropic invariant."
                                                                                 Not hamburger. No cheap tricks.
                    "It does not depend on the Indo- or nonIndo-European language you use in your paper! Write in English!"

                                                                                                 (WRITING.)

                                                            Now here's some ancient Chinese. See how he likes it!

                                                                                                                                               ( AS HE WRITES, A BLACK MAN APPROACHES
                                                                                                                                                  THE TABLE.)

                                                                                                     BLACK MAN

                       Yo, yo, hey, ma man, the Price man, what Is yo price? This moment in time, what Is your price?!

                                                                                            (LAUGHS, SWAGGERS.)

                 You here again? A big professor - professor of what, if I may ask? In this low-life, hip snappin',
                  bugger-flyin', tom-cat housin' den of incineration, baebby?


                                                                                                             PRICE

                                                  Oh, it's not that bad. I'm professor of aesthetics at the university.

                                                                                                                                                        ( AT THIS MOMENT A MAN AT THE
                                                                                                                                                           BAR FALLS OFF HIS STOOL. )
                                                                                     I find it rather, uh, interesting.


                                                                                                       BLACK MAN

                  Yeah, uh-huh. And it gonna git even moe interestin' when that dude crawls ove here and lays puke-salad
                   up on those exams.


                                                                                                            PRICE

                      No, not exams. Students' essays on "Schopenhauer's Ideal of Beauty Applied to Botticelli's Venus".


                                                                                                                                                           ( THE MAN BEGINS CRAWLING
                                                                                                                                                              TOWARDS THE TABLE. )


                                                                                                      BLACK MAN

                           Shiit! Better hide them essays - or buy him moe "Stud Maker Malt" to hit'em on da head!


                                                                                                          PRICE

                             Ha, ha. I met him last night. That's, uh, Mr. Hyde. Amazing man. Totally trustworthy.


                                                                                                     BLACK MAN

                      What universitee you workin', man, the universitee of da marshmellow brains or what?


                                                                                                         PRICE

                        Why, it's a very prestigious place, uh, dude. Several Nobel Prize winners are on the faculty.
                      In fact, Professor Jell-Kink pioneered the quark theory of matter. But, uh, I think he's crazy.


                                                                                                                                                        ( THE MAN REACHES THE TABLE AND
                                                                                                                                                            HAULS HIMSELF ONTO A CHAIR. HE
                                                                                                                                                            LOOKS UP, AROUND, AND AT PRICE.
                                                                                                                                                            THEN APPEARS ABOUT TO THROW UP
                                                                                                                                                           - PRICE LIFTS AWAY HIS PAPERS AND
                                                                                                                                                             THE BLACK MAN QUICKLY TURNS THE
                                                                                                                                                             MAN  AND HIS CHAIR TOWARDS THE
                                                                                                                                                             DOOR THROUGH WHICH A COUPLE ARE
                                                                                                                                                             ENTERING. THE MAN MAKES A LOUD
                                                                                                                                                             PUKING SOUND, SCARING THE COUPLE
                                                                                                                                                             TO TURN ROUND AND OUT. )

11/8/00 p_1 end here